Code Red in the Insurance Department

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a code red situation in the Delaware Insurance Department. It isn’t homeowners insurance companies bailing out of the state; unlike many other coastal states, we have kept almost all of ours. Nor is it spiraling auto insurance rates; I have succeeded in holding average auto insurance rates almost flat since I took office. No, the problem is that the office holiday party is the day after tomorrow, and I have no jokes.

This is our third holiday party since I took office, and the first two—largely due to the efforts of my senior staff who double as joke writers—were big successes. Part of the formula for success is the Insurance Commissioner hosting the festivities while dressed in some ridiculous costume and making jokes that other, funnier, people have written for him. The first year I was kind of a bitter, angry Santa. Last year I was Karnak.

The crisis this year started with my refusal to dress as an elf, largely because I refused to wear tights. Nothing, up to and including waterboarding, will cause me to wear tights. On top of that, we have been kind of busy in the office doing, you know, insurance regulation, so there has been no joke writing time. The result: we are just over 48 hours from showtime, with no theme, no costume, no jokes.

If you care for the hard-working Delaware Insurance Department employees who have made our office a model for the nation, indeed if you love America, you will send me some jokes at mattdenn@hotmail.com for me to use this Friday. I am counting on you.